Sunday Evening Reflections

Good Evening Ya'll!

Well the semester is coming to a close and assignments are coming due from papers to paraphrases to final exams. It is truly hard to believe that a whole entire semester has come and about to go. I pray that I have grown along this first step of my journey. Honestly looking back upon this semester I can say that I was truly green when coming to seminary. This of course goes without saying, when someone enters a place like Southern Seminary they are green, they do not have everything in their faith figured out or life for that matter. Challenges have come and gone and continue to appear on the horizon. My faith has been tested and reaffirmed. My academic abilities have been challenged and again reaffirmed. I have changed. This is of course for the good and not the bad. There have been moments that I've questioned my being in this place yet almost immediately I have gotten the response that affirms my being here. With this I am amazed and humbled. For it would be very easy to pack up and go home, to say "I gave that a try" and move on. It would be lie if I told someone I did not miss my family, friends and what my life was before I came to seminary. This may seem as a shock especially when it comes to my life prior to seminary but when you become used to a certain way of life and move to another one at times begins to miss the previous. However with this said I am well pleased with my new way of life. It becomes hard to explain this change and the feelings going through this awesome transformation except to say that I went, suffered, died and am being raised in Christ every day. I physically did not die obviously but rather I walked into an unknown place and environment, I suffered through the missing of family and friends, have begun to shed in a way my old life and am being raised into new life and a new identity as a seminary student. Perhaps an example would be best to describe this. Prior to coming to seminary I served in the church as a member, assisted in worship, preached a few times, lead bible studies, ministered to those around me and taken care of the least of the kingdom. I still am doing these things here however I would offer up communion as an example. Of course I have assisted in communion before, many of us have. It simply was something I did when asked and didn't think to much of it. Today was my first day setting the table. This simply means that I prepared the meal prior to the words of institution. Of course in the past I was nervous when administering communion because I didn't want to make a mistake. Now rather my nerves were on edge due to the responsibility of what I was doing. I was preparing the table for the Lords meal, one in which our savior Jesus Christ offered up before he died for us. I suppose in one instance my thoughts went back a few thousand years to the last supper. I can only imagine that Martin Luther's thoughts might have done the same thing. Then came the distribution of communion. Instead of assisting with the wine/blood of Christ I was administering the body of Christ given there were two lines. So far this may seem insignificant but it is exactly the opposite. When the gifts of bread and wine are instituted they become the body and blood of Christ and the presiding minister is representing Christ to the congregation along with all those assisting him/her. In essence those who are distributing communion are saying this is my body given for you, this is my blood shed for you which thus puts the minister/assisting ministers on the cross with Christ. To say the least this was a humbling act that I was blown away by. This is the change that is occurring within me, I'm not sure how to fully explain it but rather can only offer my few and inadequate words.

peace,

Jason

Good Evening,

I come before ya'll hopefully more humbly than I was last week and even yesterday. Upon saying this most likely I have negated my humble outlook however I feel it is an accurate assumption. Throughout the last several posts there has arose an underlying theme of seminary and its mysteries. I suppose the mysteries do not exist in the academics or the material we are learning, the field work or small groups but rather in the Holy Spirit working through all of the above. If I could honestly say that seminary is easy I would be gravely mistaken. The course load is extremely tough and chaotic during this first year and suppose it does not get any easier but rather the seminarian becomes accustom to t he environment. Currently we are in the rinse cycle after the spin cycle and thus preparing for another spin cycle. There have been several experiences here that have in other words brought me to the point of asking hard questions such as am I really supposed to be here and if so why. With this said today has become a culmination of these questions and pleading to God to reveal these answers. Now I cannot say that a voice on high came to me such as the prophets of the Old Testament but rather through those around me. This is as we refer to in pastoral care through Dr. Yeago's essay an inward discerning and an outward affirming. Today I sat at my desk on the brink of tears struggling with the previous questions of why and prayed for clarity. I proceeded to study for Greek after my frustrating prayer and eventually fell asleep from exhaustion. Later walking in the hallway of our academic building I was again studying for Greek and a classmate of mine came to me and asked how are you? Like most people I replied I'm good/here/ok. He then began to say simply "remember the one who has sent you, making it this far would not of been possible without the one who has sent you." I could of simply ignored this comment except for the minute amount of tears I held back upon hearing these words. I immediately turned and saw one of my small group mentors standing in the hallway, I suppose this is where Lutheran witness comes into play, and thus went to her and told her exactly what had happened. All she could do is smile and promise to keep me in prayer. Besides speaking to my heart and through the actions of others I can honestly say that this might have been the first time that the words of the Holy Spirit have come directly to me. This might seem strange but I suppose the words needed to be said directly to me as a witness to my prayers and frustrations.

Peace,

Jason